Los Angeles

I've been asked a lot of questions. First of all, I picked up everything and left for Los Angeles, guns blazing and ready for what God had next for me. Now I'm back in Texas. Why wouldn't you ask? Why wouldn't there be questions?

Did I fail? No, I chose to come home with much prayer, consideration, and counsel from respected leadership in my life. And I am incredibly happy about my decision.

Was I just lonely? Of course! A new city, no matter who you're with or not with, is always going to come with a level of loneliness you can never prepare yourself for.

Was I homesick? Yes, extremely. Which isn't actually normal for me, so I knew God was working in my heart.

Did I get it out of my system? Hell, no. Pioneering and adventure - it's in my blood and it's who I am. There will always be some level of relocation and rebuilding for me. 

What did I learn?

This is the whole point of this post - what I've learned. I included a song below about my journey, written with raw, real emotions. Honestly, I almost didn't post it. It scared me, because it's so honest and real.

I learned that you need family. Not just the blood-related kind and not just the community you see a few times a week, but never connect with. I'm talking about the family that may not carry the same name, but champion and support you regardless of your mistakes. The ones you do life, work, and ministry with. These are the ones you need to be with. Whether they go on the road with you, or they are the home you come back to. You are created for family, not just community. You need to know you belong. You need a place to rest.

I learned that you can make family everywhere you go, but not everyone is going to be on the same level as you. So, pace yourself, because it takes a while. Everyone longs for connection. Not everyone is certain how long you stay, so make sure you are quite realistic with setting expectations for new friends, whether you travel a lot or you're just starting a new friendship. I hate hurting people, and I know I've hurt a lot of people, I'll admit it. I'm so imperfect, it's not even funny. But I am learning and I am doing my best. And I've found that expectations are foundational in how you choose to respond to people. So, most likely, lower them for others, for yourself, and be extremely realistic with where you're at. As an previous boss used to say, "Under promise and over deliver."

I learned that selling everything you have really relinquishes the need for having and collecting multiple things. And when something breaks or needs replacing, it's all going to be okay. There are a lot of people don't have what I have entirely anyway, so going without something or working more to makeup for the replacement is counted as a blessing rather than a stress. I found beauty in shedding things that had held so much value, because the true value surfaced in appreciating what I did have rather than what I didn't. There is beauty in losing, because then you see what you've already gained.

I learned that risk is something I will always do and will always be learning how to risk better. If that even makes sense. Always risk. Always do the things that freak you out the most, because that's usually the thing you're meant to do. Let it shake you to your core. And when you're left trembling from the rawness of risk, then it's time to stand up. As Brene Brown says, "Don't shrink back and don't puff up, stand your sacred ground." And as Theodore Roosevelt's famous speech, The Man In The Arena, "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming..." So, I say to you, risk and risk again.

There is much more that I have learned, but I think this will do for now. I've written a lot and now I want you to hear me sing more words. :) All in all, risk, lose, give, and love. These are what I have found and what I've learned. Selah.

"Adventure is out there..."

Los Angeles

I have journeyed far across this land

And I have sold everything I have

I've been told to keep my head held high

I've been told to keep my head held high

 

I am acquainted well with these lows

And these highs, they seem to come and go

But neither ever seem to stay for long

Neither seem to stay for long

 

I am tired and I'm scared about the next leg of this road

Don't wanna have to pack another bag

I just wanna come and sit here on the front porch with this view

And remember all the good times that we've had

 

I have searched for miles and miles to find your face

And I can say I found God in this place

But the dreams that I have dreamed of for so long

Are the same dreams that I've had to lay to rest

 

Not a path that I have forged, not a road that I have traveled

Will fulfill the sense of knowing that I'm home

Not a face that I have met, not a memory I have kept

Will fulfill the sense of knowing I belong

 

I am ready and I'm anxious for the next leg of this road

I guess I'll have to pack another bag

But I can't wait to come home to the front porch with that view

There's some new adventures waiting to be had

Los Angeles... Los Angeles...

Los Angeles... Los Angeles...