December 31st, I moved out of my apartment. I had a moment of silence as everyone who helped me out were down stairs and it was just me. Me in the empty apartment. Just like the first time I walked into it and couldn't believe it was mine. A tear streamed down my cheek as I started singing out, "You've been faithful to me..." Walking through each door, checking every cabinet, taking one last glance at the place I was so grateful to call home for the year and a half I lived there for. I handed over the keys at the leasing office and was able to tell the management team how appreciated I felt as a resident and that they were doing a good job. The manager placed her hand on her heart and genuinely thanked me for saying that. Explaining how hard they all pull together to make it a good experience for their tenants. I smiled, gave one last thanks, and walked out.
This month, I am planning my move to California. I haven't really announced anything because I honestly haven't been ready to talk about it on social media until now. I am moving at the end of January. My time in Texas has been a beautiful experience. I grew up here. I found God here. Rather I should say, He found me here. I fell in love here and my heart was broken here. Many adventures took place, and many chapters came to an end. Each and every event I think through brings me to state of gratitude and I wonder how I got so lucky that God chose me to experience each one, in meeting the people I have, loving the one's closest to me, and choosing to go on the biggest adventure yet with one of my very best friends.
California, you say. Yes. I've allowed the word to drop from my lips flippantly so many times, and now, it holds much more weight. Almost sacred to mention now, because I believe it is the land the Lord is giving me. Whether I am there to touch one soul, or if I am there touch one thousand souls, etc... Then it is a promise I intend to hang on to as the Lord keeps pouring out his favor, his blessing, and his opportunities. As long as I love well, I will have seen the fulfillment of the Lord's promise over my life. This may sound so ambiguous, and I may not be able to answer every single question asked, but saying yes to God is much bigger than a plan or a list or a goal. As a goal oriented person, this is by far one of the most stretching things I've ever done in my life. But in the process of selling and giving everything away that I own, breaking my lease and saying goodbye, I can say that I have found my real home - the presence of my Father. And that promise is fulfilled everyday when I choose to lean in to where He is, what He is doing, and what He is saying.
Transition, oh yes. This has been one of the most "refining" (if you will) and challenging journeys I have embarked on thus far. To say I've lost things in this process would be the worst possible outlook to have. I would say I have gained beautiful, precious things in place of physical things that I have willfully chosen to let go of. Letting go hurts, yes, but it is a good hurt. Losing things means you had no choice. Oh, I had a choice. And I know I chose well. I'm not saying that pain is easier to deal with. Because I don't think I've struggled more to remain in a place of joy than these last few months. To be honest, I've woken up a lot early hours of the morning, my heart pounding, my stomach churning, about to throw up, my mind racing, and my body in a cold sweat. I've had outrageous dreams, anxiety heightened - near panic attacks, sleepless nights almost entirely, and very bad headaches. I've had some really low, emotional moments, and really intense moments of anger and frustration. And I've had the best people in the world be there for me and with me in this crazy mess. And along the journey, I have found the best gift from the Father is not having the best car, or nice apartment you can finally afford, or getting the hot guy to like you (which is definitely a plus, but not the end all), or having the white picket fence ideal dream life you had in your mind come true, but rather it is the beauty of vulnerability and love in true community.
Questions? I’m sure you have them, and I fully welcome them. But for now, I’m moving to California with one of my best friends on an adventure with God at the end of January. And I can’t wait. The best is yet to come.